The Key to Building Relationships

The Key to Setting Yourself Apart

One of the Keys to Success

 

Some people just seem to be able to get along with anyone. They enjoy meeting people and building rapport seems to come naturally. They can connect, make friends, build relationships and influences others. They know how to make people feel comfortable around them and doors seem to open for them. They are among the most successful in so many ways including job interviews and promotions, getting buy-in for their ideas and building their social and business connections. What do they know?

 

The surest path to a positive outcome to any desire or need is through a trusting relationship. Whether at a meeting trying to get your ideas across,

trying to persuade someone to give you a discount,

trying to make an impression on someone or

trying to climb the corporate ladder of success,

it is essential to build trust and understanding with the people you are trying to persuade. The only way to do this is to build rapport.

 

Whether personal or business, establishing trusting relationships is a process that begins with the first interaction, continues throughout the relationship and the benefits are numerous.

 

Six Keys to Building Rapport

1^st ) Listen

It is through listening that you will find out many things about her which will allow you to develop the relationship and successfully build rapport. From the first interaction allow her to speak and be genuinely interested in what he has to say. By listening you will learn more information with which you can build the relationship. Think about the people you enjoy being around the most. It is the person who listens to every word you say with interest and allows you talk about your interests. Allow her to share her opinion and interests. Make her feel that your time is her time, that there is nothing you would rather be doing at the moment than listening to her and don’t rush the conversation.

 

2^nd) Make her feel comfortable

If not you will not get a second interaction and any interaction you do have will be brief and harried. Be aware of your posture, facial expression, tone of voice and even topic of choice because these will influence her comfort level around you. If you are having a difficult time connecting during a conversation become conscious of her speech and body language, and mirror and match it. Listen to her speech, if she is speaking rapidly and with enthusiastic energy you should do the same. If she is speaking slowly you should speak slowly as well. Match her facial and hand gestures and match her posture. Your goal is to help her feel you both have something in common, because we tend to feel more comfortable with those whom we have something in common.

Allow her to speak and try to see things from her point of view. We are often so intent on presenting ourselves or getting others to understand our point of view that we do not see that we are making the other person feel uncomfortable.

 

3^rd ) Identify a connection

Build a communication bridge between you and the other person, if you have been listening you will be able to identify opportunities to connect. If you are both members of the same industry, organization or work for the same company the connection is obvious. Use that connection as a basis to expand the connection. Listen intently and you will find other opportunities to connect. It could be similar beliefs, values or lifestyles.  “When I am talking to other mompreneurs about growing their businesses, I can share with them how I juggle a family, a business and sometimes make time for myself and they understand because they are in the same boat,” states, Melinda Emerson, mom, author and entrepreneur. “We have an immediate connection and that leads to understanding through that shared experience and, whether we do business or not, we are connected.”  If you share a hobby, interest in entertainment, travel, philanthropy or genre of books use those avenues to make a connection. Men and a few savvy women have used this to their advantage by learning to play golf. Golf provides an opportunity to relax, participate in an activity requiring as few as two schedules to coordinate and allows for a half day of conversation, a great opportunity to build rapport.

 

4^th) Stay Connected

Utilize appropriate opportunities to stay connected using information you have learned through listening about things she enjoys and that matter to her. So, whether through regular communication via email, getting together regularly for lunch or recreational activities keep in contact to keep the spirit of the relationship ignited.  “Just like you have regular check ups to maintain your physical health, it is important to maintain the relationships with your contacts for the well being of your relationship whether social or business. Knowing there is someone interested in you, values you and appreciates you is a great pick-me-up during the most challenging times, including these,” comments Dr. David Scott, world renowned Nephrologist and Co-Founder, Clinical Research Development Associates, LLC.  Dr Scott also suggests that, “It is the relationships that you develop now that will be your long term support.”

 

Stay connected by recognizing her for an accomplishment. “When I received my latest promotion, I received congratulations from people I knew just from attending conferences and events, but never realized that I made an impact on them,” comments Jan Walden, Assistant Executive Director, Diversity Programs, New Jersey Transit.  “It was heartwarming to me that I had connected with so many over the years and they wanted to recognize me and salute my achievement.”

 

Become genuinely interested in the other person and take opportunities to connect “The best experience that I have had with a client was a call I received to find out how I was doing when she read about some issues that impacted our industry,” says Jackie La Joie, Supplier Diversity Director, Merck & Co., Inc. “It was not a sales call, but someone I had been in contact with over the years and although we did not have any business for her, she wanted just to make sure I was OK.  That is a rapport builder for me.” 

 

5^th) Accept differences

Many of us struggle to connect with those who seem different and feel more comfortable with those who are like us. As the global economy expands and the world becomes closer this kind of thinking will cause missed opportunities and paralyze your success. Those who can connect across differences are those who will be most successful. No matter how different we are there is always something we have in common. The key is to approach each person expecting the best with anticipation about what you will learn from them and what that connection is.

 

When we focus on our differences the opportunity to build rapport is lost. Curiosity is the key to overcoming this. It sets up an opportunity to find the connection. Assume that person has something interesting and valuable to share; a new and more effective way to get things done. Positive expectations contribute to successful connections.

 

6^th) Keep it Honest

Being above board in all of your interactions, whether the news is good or bad, is a vital element to maintaining a trusting relationship.  Sometimes unfortunate situations occur which have a negative impact  and the last person you want to disappoint is the one who has begun to trust you and the one with whom you have established a connection. Be honest, do not deceive them not even to avoid disclosing a mistake you made. “Telling the truth is not always pleasant, but it is a lot better to admit the mistake and begin to correct it, versus trying to continue to cover it up with lies,” notes Rita Rivas, Executive Vice President of Marketing for Printing Methods Incorporated.  “We were not going to be able to make a deadline for work required by another department because of a mistake we made, so we readily admitted the error, made the correction and delivered the work. They appreciated our honesty, that we were concerned with quality and that we stepped up to fix the problem.  We were honest, valued the importance of the relationship and how their work was going to be affected. They had plenty of notice to reschedule their presentation,” she explains.

 

So, building rapport requires effort, but the results are a lifetime of friendship and fellowship. It requires that you think about others first and being conscious about how you can affect relationships in a positive way. You will be known and remembered in a positive way. Those who are known and stand apart from everyone else in this manner are those whose success journey is smoother. When prizes and promotions are given out they are the receivers. They are given opportunities unknown to others. Their mistakes are forgiven and people go to bat for them. Be proactive and make the effort to build rapport with the key people within your personal and professional circles and positive things will happen for you.