Who doesn’t want to connect with people? We all have the desire to connect, to be liked and develop great relationships, but it is a risky venture. The key to attracting people to you is to make them feel special and make them feel comfortable being with you.

For anyone in sales, being a people magnet – someone who draws others to them – is absolutely essential. So we talked to Sabrina Monday, a Mary Kay Independent National Sales Director. When you talk to her, you are immediately drawn to the warmth and compassion in her voice and manner.  How does she do it?

“I learned a lot from Mary Kay,” Ms. Monday says.  “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” 

Ms. Monday knew the importance of connecting with people early. She once owned a jewelry and accessories store. When customers entered she would welcome them to the store and help them feel comfortable by taking a genuine interest. “I would get them talking by asking questions,” she says, “such as ‘Are you new in the area?’ or ‘What part of town do you live in?’ I would look people in the eye, and try to put them at ease, and make them feel comfortable.”

She took her talent to connect with people and joined the Mary Kay sales staff. Within a year and a half she earned her first pink Cadillac.

When asked what it takes to be a people magnet, she’ll tell you: “Confidence, charisma and energy. If you’re low on any of these qualities, don’t despair. You can develop all three”, she says. 

“Work on your confidence by affirming yourself,” she says. “Think positive thoughts. Pick out the qualities you like about yourself and work on developing them. You must love yourself – if you don’t, how can you expect others to love you?”

Charisma may have been something that you think people were born with, but this isn’t necessarily true. “You can develop charisma by studying people and working on your energy.” Your facial expression, hand gestures, tone of voice, and your energy all affect whether others will be drawn to you and connect with you. Ms. Monday includes personal appearance, “When I’m going out to an important event, I don’t wear black. I wear colors that pop out – a power dress, a million-dollar power outfit. I pay attention to my makeup and my hair.”

Ms. Monday suggests being an energy-giver. “You can give energy through your enthusiasm, level of excitement and encouragement of those you are communicating with. I run away from people who drain my energy. I don’t want to be with them.” People who drain energy are generally those who dwell on the negative in situations and events.

Tips for connecting with people:

• Smile.  A smile puts you in a positive mood and it makes it easier for people to approach you. Would you feel more comfortable approaching someone who has no expression on their face or someone who is smiling? A smile commutates that you are a friendly individual. Making eye contact communicates you are approachable.

• Take interest in others. Find out what they like, what their interests are, and how they spend their time.

• Be easy to communicate with. Help others to speak by asking questions. One secret to being a good communicator is to ask open-ended questions, like “what inspires you?” and “what things do you like most about what you do?” or open-ended questions like “tell me about your trip to Europe.” These questions encourage others to give more than a yes or no answer. Refer to your spring issue for specific questions you can ask at specific events.

• Be a great listener. People respond positively to those people who listen to them. Listening communicates that you are interested in them. Do not interrupt! Let them know you are listening by looking at them rather than around the room, nodding occasionally, making short discrete sounds of agreement, and asking follow up questions.

• Share good news. It is easy to find bad news: turn on your television at 6 pm or pick up a newspaper and within seconds you will find it. Be the person who has the good news and a positive out look.

• Have a story. Silence is awkward, so have a few funny or interesting stories you can tell either immediately after an introduction or when there is an awkward silence.

• Follow up with a note or telephone call. This is where listening is valuable. If you were listening you can refer to something that came up in conversation and connect it to something you experienced that day. If you come across something your friend said she likes send it to her with a note saying “I thought you would like this.”

• Remember dates so that you can send birthday and anniversary cards. Make associations to help you remember these dates. For example, a friend’s anniversary might be the day after your daughter’s birthday. You will have an easier time remembering that way.