Connie Long

You are looking forward to attending a luncheon presentation not only to hear what insightful, innovative ideas the speaker will share, but equally as important, to network and meet new people. You check your favorite website for industry and current topics and head off armed with several confidence building conversation starters. The valet takes your car, you enter the foyer, collect your name badge, walk toward the crowd of potential new acquaintances and freeze.

You make a B line for the bathroom to hang out waiting for the minutes to tick by hoping no one comes in and discovers you hiding because suddenly the confidence you had up until the valet handed you your claim ticket, has escaped you. You get lucky and hear the announcement that the program is about to start, so you hold your head up, walk to the closest empty seat, throw a polite, insincere grin at the attendee on either side and breathe a sign of relief that you didn’t have to test your conversation starter skills.

You leave the luncheon with no new connections, because as soon as you know the program is ending you get up and head toward the valet attempting to give everyone the illusion that you are so busy that you must get back to the office or maybe you want them to believe you are heading off to a very important meeting, with your desk. Mean while others have stayed behind and continue to network, develop relationships, make new connections and share ideas. You missed out again.

One of the key reasons organizations have luncheons is to provide a venue for you to network with people who have similar interests. That you are there means you already have something in common with other attendees. Starting conversation should be easy. Take the plunge and approach someone you don’t know and throw them one of those conversation starters.

Today I attended a luncheon, one of those where all of the men have on various shades of medium to dark gray suits. Arriving early, I intended to meet a few new people. I approached a gentleman standing alone thinking he was a prime candidate to start a conversation with. He didn’t even turn in my direction as I approached, so I projected my voice and said “This should be a very captivating presentation. I am looking forward to hearing about the innovative ideas he has to increase lost revenue.” He looked toward me and said “Yes it should,” but continued facing the entrance, as if looking for someone more interesting to talk to enter and rescue him. His body language was clear. Although he was wearing a name badge, he was also holding a name badge. He perked up and said “Here’s my wife. Enjoy the lunch.” And he rushed off to greet his wife, handed her her badge and stuck beside her for the duration.

I moved on. Slowly circled the crowd. Saw another lonely sole walking in. I made eye contact said hello, he slowed down for a brief second to say hello and headed for the men’s room. No doubt to hide out until the start of the program. Also missing out on the opportunity to meet anyone new. Moving on, I cautiously approached a woman who had arrived about the same time I did. Made eye contact, but clearly she wasn’t interested in the game of networking. She didn’t pass on a grin or a welcoming twinkle. She preferred to stand alone. Not to worry. There are about 120 attendees expected.

Finally, in walks someone I know, who knows many of the attendees. She introduced me to several people who would be great connections for me and I for them. As it turns out, I sat next to the lady who apparently didn’t want to play the game of networking and it turns out we have interests in the same charity and will be working together to help that group during this year of decreased giving.

So don’t hide in the bathroom or spend the time glued to someone you already know and see quiet frequently like your wife or colleague from work. Take the risk to connect with someone you don’t know. If the first attempt fails, know that there is a good reason – he maybe waiting for his wife, he maybe uncomfortable networking and needs to hide for a minute, she doesn’t know how to make a new connection, or maybe she really is there to connect with a potential client and is on the look out for his arrival. Failed attempts to connect simply means the timing was a little off. It’s rarely a rejection of you.

Don’t waste time attending events and leaving without making attempts to make connections or at least to develop the relationships with those you already know. Sure, you attend because you want to hear the wisdom of the speaker, but you also want to expand your circle of influence – those you can help and those who can help you.

Connie Long is a personal development coach with an contact list over 3000 names long.