By Thomas Fox

If your week is like that of the typical American worker, chances are you spend more time with your colleagues than you do with your family. You may feel married to your career. It makes sense then, to make an effort to develop positive relationships with them. With that in mind, you might consider taking a page from Dr. John Gottman, one of the country’s most respected marriage researchers, on how to deal with colleagues.

In his bestselling book co-authored with Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman summarizes decades of research into just a few core tenets. We’ve summarized these lessons below adapting them to your “work spouses.”

Enhance Your Colleagues’ Maps
Consciously sketch out the details of your colleagues’ lives, their background, interests and strengths, and be able to interact with them more.

Nurture Admiration
It’s easy to see what colleagues do wrong, but what do they do right? Remind yourself of these qualities often. It will help smooth your interactions with them and make working with them more productive. Quit reminding yourself of the negative and making everyone miserable. Or maybe just making yourself miserable.

Purposefully Get to Know Them
Don’t worry about grand gestures to achieve instant rapport. Focus instead on the little thing like asking about their weekend, learn how they like their coffee, know what is important to them. Do this by listening to what they talk about. Work on building rapport everyday.

Let Your Colleagues Influence You
You don’t always need to have the last word. Listen you will learn a thing or two which will not only be beneficial to your relationship, but may also help you to be more effective and influential.

Solve Your Solvable Problems
Be open to compromise.

Overcome Gridlock
Not every problem can be solved and there will be conflicting opinions, but try to understand your colleague’s position. When necessary, respectfully agree to disagree.

Capitalize On Shared Values
You have common values all around you, from the smallest team projects to the very future of the company itself. Use these commonalities as opportunities to connect and build rapport with your colleagues.